I'll bring home the turkey

didn't i make you feel, like you were the only man

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:19:45 GMT

well. sittin here laughing at myself, not quite sure why. getting a whole new meaning from janis joplin songs. wondering if i'm bat crazy by anybody else's standards, or just my own. thinking maybe i'll start smoking more or wearing red lipstick or drinking more coffee. growing my hair so long i look twice at myself in the mirror. becoming less and less tame and more and more careless by the minute. wanting to fucking EXIST more. i mean, i live, yeah, but to exist people gotta know you're there and lately i am so goddamn forgettable. i'm changing that, one shade of lipstick and one inch of hair at a time.

i don't need a guy to inspire me! i don't owe guys a thank you or an apology because i was able to create pretty things out of their stupid existence!

i won fifty bucks in a lit magazine's fiction contest for a story i wrote about galen.

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:31:21 GMT

about to go to a killers concert with a boy i like! i'm nervous!

well, hey, guess i'm not alone.

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:07:01 GMT

Would you mind if I pretended we were somewhere else,
doing something we wanted to,
'Cause all this living makes me wanna do,
is die because I can't live with you,
and you don't even care.
Would you mind if I pretended I was someone else,
with courage in love and war.
I use to think that's what I was,
but now this lying hurts too much,
and I don't know what for.

I'm weak in the knees for you,
but I'll stand if you want me to.
My legs are strong and I'll move on,
but honey I'm weak, in the knees.

Would you mind if I walked over and I kissed your face,
in front of all your friends.
Would you mind if I got drunk and said,
I wanna take you home to bed,
Oh would you change your mind?

I'm weak in the knees for you,
but I'll stand if you want me to.
My legs are strong, and I'll move on,
but honey I'm weak, in the knees, for you

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:09:05 GMT

i kissed a man named cash last night. number eighty, mmmm.

dude holy shit!

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:04:22 GMT

someone posted a missed connection for me! i remember having a close run-in with a biker yesterday on the way to get alex from the airport.

You almost killed me! - m4w (I-25 Erie exit)

You started pulling off the ramp turning east as I was coming over the bridge on my motorcycle, and nearly killed me! You were talking on your cell phone driving your Mustang as you started to turn. I forgive you though, because you were completely hot and worth giving a 2nd chance. Next time, you owe me.

drunk

Thu, 07 May 2009 07:17:57 GMT

i just kung fu chucked him to timbuckyuuu

i have big news

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 20:49:06 GMT

but i need to tell you all on the phone, since that's the second best thing to in person. thing is, i don't know when you guys have time to talk. everyone's so busy! anyway, tell me exactly when you have a free block of time and i will call then.

i insist that you all listen to painted walls

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:00:46 GMT

myspace.com/dutchhammer

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:10:23 GMT

k, i love this song. i don't care it's good. and yeah the a note is monotonous but it's pretty,

i want him shit shot shit
i want a piano now

shitbirds

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:04:10 GMT

i macked a guy but i want doucheypanysss

also, morganmanor? wtf? saw her and we were besties.

this is the room one afternoon i knew i could love you

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:11:33 GMT

so tonight i am hanging out with the guy i kissed saturday night (his name is arlen). i remember thinking he was absolutely gorgeous, but i was pretty plastered, so we'll see. problem: he probably wants to hang out because he thinks i'm easy. i mean, what girl who isn't a total slut kisses a guy she met five minutes ago at an in n out? me! but there's no harm in kissing! anyway, i'm not gonna do anything with him past kissing, i hope that isn't a terrible disappointment.

blahhh and i can't stop thinking about things i shouldn't think about because they just make me sad and confused.

what about the girl with loneliness

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 02:18:05 GMT

what about the days when we used to talk

JESUS.

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 10:14:15 GMT

these boys. not him.

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:41:31 GMT

i'm all packed and ready to gooooo. now i just have to sit around and wait for my wednesday night final to come around and then leave thursday! woooo! i cannot wait to see you guys again and have over three weeks to party down at home.

I AM GOING OFF THE PILL

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 16:47:06 GMT

fuck this. i am going to be normal again.

Decemba

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 06:11:18 GMT

My first kiss was soft, and it was pure, and it was cold

It happened in the wintertime when I was barely eighteen years old

It was the melting of a snowflake upon my naked tongue

And ever since he kissed me, I have never felt so young

He seemed to be infinite, for though he disappeared so swiftly

He’d always come back again and again, I assumed because he missed me

He’d land his kiss upon my lashes, my shoulders, and my cheeks

I’d feel his chill on frosty days throughout the winter weeks

As months went by, he kissed me much less often than before

I’d sit outside and stare at the sky, waiting for the kisses I’d grown to adore

But spring approached with its sunbeams, and all its flowers blooming,

Brought smiles to many faces, and brought me grief so consuming

I saw lovers in the green grass, cried at the sun’s warmth on my skin

I didn’t want the sun to touch me; they say adultery is a sin

While the rest of the world was dancing and laughing and kissing without a care

I knew they could never know the true meaning of when love is in the air.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 03:22:50 GMT

blaaaaahhhhh two days i can't wait yesyesyes

shit, man.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 02:09:41 GMT

I'm in one of those "nothing really matters" moods which is HORRIBLE because I have so much shit due tomorrow and I have to figure out what classes I wanna take next semester because I register on Wednesday. But instead of getting shit done, I'm putzing around being nostalgic and at the same time also really anxious for the future to hurry up and get here. I've decided I'm going to live alone next year, because I love being alone and I am never alone in the dorms. Plus everyone here that I could live with annoys the living shit out of me. And it just sounds good to be able to sleep when I want, and listen to music when I want, and SING without being self-conscious, and come home and eat cheese and fruit and drink wine and have people over, but never be obligated to or need to ask permission to. And I will control the temperature and flush the toilet and know that the only hair I see on the shower walls is my own and clean up my own shit, nobody else's. God, I can't wait. Caroline is as good as roommates come, but I still can't wait to get out. I was looking into transfering back to California next year, but then I realized my parents just spent all this money on ski equipment for me and that would be a bad joke. I could move to Montana and still ski. I think I could be happy there, maybe less restless. But I don't like the schools very much. Plus, the winters are even more extreme there. The Stang would kill herself. Oh, yeah, and Hank isn't coming in November. I'll fill you guys in in person. Simple twist of fate, I s'pose.

Basically, I miss you guys so much. It's rough being without you.

waaaah

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 05:02:46 GMT

alex's friends are visiting and they are reminiscing and it makes me miss you guys sooo much!

myspace.com/carrieandjake

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:28:08 GMT

gogogo!

you smile as you ease the gun from my hand

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:08:22 GMT

here's an update. i rented "p.s. i love you" on itunes last night. i'd never seen it before and of course i was balling 20 minutes in. then alex came in and asked me to braid her hair. as i was braiding it, i started blubbering again, "he was the love of her life and now she can never see him again! waaaahhh!" so alex and my roomie were cracking up at my ridiculousness. of course, if it had been the crew, they would have realized i was crying about hank! he's all i was thinking about then. so i went back to my movie, cried some more, and the phone rang. "unknown" was calling. i answered.
"hey beautiful," he said.
god, he always knows exactly when to call.
so after an adorable phone conversation, we figured out that we both have skype! so i got to see him and hear him and it was so amazing! and he said he will be in california in november and december so, assuming it doesn't fall through, you guys might get to meet him! and he said he wants me to go to south africa next summer, he said he wants to pay for me to fly there so i can meet his family. oy vey.

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:54:57 GMT

All the leaves are changing
The air smells like the cold
My flask’s all scratched and worn out
And our music’s getting old
Remember when we got high
Remember I was just a kid
You swore you wouldn’t say goodbye
And you never did
It was the night you took that hit
And breathed a part of me
One of your hands held the moon
The other on my knee
I can’t remember if we kissed
Or if that was a dream
But you said you couldn’t see the difference
Between me and a moonbeam
I tasted the smoke and the fire and the ice
That lay behind your lips
And I felt it go beneath my skin
Through your fingertips

We were amateurs at loving
Untrained in romance
We couldn’t comprehend living
Life was just a dance

I drove you to a cliff above the ocean
My dress blew in the wind
It clutched knowingly at your body
With its edges dancing around your limbs
I thought of a poem while I looked at you
But I never wrote it down
It was about the things I’d never know
It was about Capetown
You left me about a year gone by
But I can still hear the sound
Of my heart hitting the pavement
When you left me for Capetown

lord, i'm discouraged.

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:23:15 GMT

blahh four years. don't get me wrong, as far as colleges go, this one is fantastic. but i'm so sick of schooling. i just want to live now.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:29:16 GMT

well, my brother has just kicked me out of his wedding. i am no longer a bridesmaid.

DON'T WANNA WRITE MY ESSAY!

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:13:41 GMT

Would it be hard seeing someone kiss the last person you kissed?
pas de tout.

You're trapped in a room with your ex for 3 days, what do you do?
depends on the ex. one would make me laugh through the entire 3 days. another would get me drunk and we'd have a lot of sloppy sex. one might talk to me about God and emo music. there'd probably be a few i'd end up killing.

You're stuck on an elevator with the person you fell the hardest for, what do you do?
oooh, weird. elevator. elevators remind me of him. i'd kiss him, damnit!

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
probably get super confused but stay besties.

When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures with friends?
right before i left at the san marcos movie theater! waaaaahhh

Who's the last person you had a sleep over with?
me and some kids on my floor had a slumber party in kirk the hottie's room after we got rolled for drinking.

Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
yeah, just a few nights ago at abo's pizza. i saw elliot and we made eye contact but ignored each other. sucked.

Who is the last guy you talked to?
some hottie that opened the door for me downstairs.

Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
i don't mind. actually, it makes me smoke less.

Do you go to church?
not here, though mi madre is nagging me.

What's going on between you & the last person you kissed?
haven't spoken to him since.

Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Elliot. PUKE!

Do you announce when you have to pee?
always

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
blahh Caroline and Rachel a few days ago. i had to write a "medical memory" and obviously it was about Tom. so i was sitting at my laptop sobbing, and everybody probs thought i was a psycho.

What does your wallet/purse look like?
i actually just got a giant purple bag at target because it fits my books and laptop.

Last time you got a text message & smile?
justine's text, "how's it going howdy dudey?"

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
fasho

Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos?
i don't enjoy getting them. ouch.

What do you wear more; jeans, sweat pants or shorts
dresses!

Do you believe there are circumstances when cheating is okay?
no, i don't suppose so.

Would you consider being married/engaged right now?
if i actually found the person i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, i think i would, yes.

What is one thing you do before you go to sleep?
look at all my pictures on the wall.

Are you dating the last person you kissed on the lips?
no, he's not the south african wheat farmer i want.

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
maybe. i think everyone probably has.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
obvie!

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
night. i don't like to rush.

Did anyone witness your last kiss?
the whole fucking bar.

Have you ever said you'd never love again?
of course not! what reason is there for living?

Do you want to please everyone?
yes

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
i'm listening to nashville blues right now which reminds me of daph.

Do you believe in forever?
i dunno man

Do you say sorry first?
yeah, sometimes.

Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it?
bien sur.

Do you like your name?
ROXANNE DETARR

Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
not that i can recall

How many months until your birthday?
10?